| What is Self-Esteem? Most people's feelings and thoughts about themselves change somewhat based on daily experiences. The grade you get on an exam, how your family treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing. Addiction and co-dependency often use these as triggers. People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they feel in the present to gauge how they feel about themselves. They need feel-good external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them on the inside. Even then, the good feeling can be temporary. Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to know ourselves and still be able to accept and to value ourselves. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthwhile. What Does Your "Inner Voice" Say? Although most people do not "hear" this voice in the same way they would a spoken one, in many ways it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating messages to us. For people with healthy self-esteem the inner voice is positive and reassuring. For people with low self-esteem, the inner voice becomes a harsh inner critic, constantly criticizing, punishing, and beating themselves up. THREE Roles of Low Self-Esteem We may picture what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Here are three common faces that low self-esteem may wear: The Actor: acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out. Does not share honestly in the groups. The Tough Guy: acts like the opinions of others don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority. Tries to take over groups. The Sulker: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships. Is oftentimes unwilling to give their time or testimony. Effects of Low Self-Esteem It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression or relapse. It can cause problems with friendships and relationships, even within the ministry. It can seriously impair academic and job performance. It can lead to under achievement and increased use of drug and alcohol abuse. These negative consequences reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or self-destructive behavior like relapse. How to Rebuke the Inner Critic The first important step in improving self-esteem is to begin to challenge the negative messages of the inner voice. Here are some typical examples of the inner critic's voice and how you can "rebuke" that voice. If The Inner Critic's Voice: Is Unfairly Harsh: "People said they liked my talk, but it was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can't believe no-one noticed all the places I messed up. I'm such an faker." Be Reassuring: Your Rebuke: "Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it wasn't perfect, but I worked hard on that talk and did a good job. I'm proud of myself. This was a great success. Praise God" Generalizes Unrealistically: "I'm confused. I don't understand anything in this group. I'm such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I shouldn't be in this group. I'm messed up and I don't belong in church." Be Specific: Your Rebuke: "I shared poorly in this one meeting, but I'm clean for today. There are some things here that I don't understand as well as I thought I did, but I can keep learning this material-I'm going to keep coming back. Makes Leaps of Illogic: "He is frowning. He didn't say anything, but I know it means that he doesn't like me!" Challenge Illogic: Your Rebuke: "O.K., he's frowning, but I don't know why. It could have nothing to do with me. Maybe I should ask." Catastrophizes: "She turned me down for a date! I'm so embarrassed and humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I'll never find a girlfriend. I'll always be alone." Be Objective: Your Rebuke: "Ouch! That hurt. Well, she doesn't want to go out with me. That doesn't mean no one does. I know I'm an attractive and nice person. I'll find someone. |
Self -Esteem
Nueva Vida
Psalms 22 6:11
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