| Codependency is a term used to describe a kind of addiction, a relationship addiction. A person is said to be suffering from codependency when they exhibit caring for a loved one who is suffering from a real addiction to drugs or alcohol. The behavior of the caring individual is said to hinder recovery of the real addict by enabling the addict to continue the addiction. Codependency makes it seem as if all caring for addicts is pathological. What are some of the symptoms? Controlling behavior distrust perfectionism avoidance of feelings intimacy problems caretaking behavior hyper vigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger) physical illness People with co-dependency may....have trouble saying no, have trouble asking for help, tailor their actions and conversation around getting attention and approval from others, feel inferior to others/hold a lot of self-doubt, have high expectations from others, most especially from significant others, and usually get highly angry or irritated when they don't meet those expectations, focus a lot of mental time and attention on other people, especially significant others, have difficulty maintaining a stable relationship with a partner, be in and out of highly volatile (big ups and downs) relationships. They may be uncomfortable when not in a relationship, be frequently depressed, usually related to stress. Types of enabling behavior include: - Making excuses for the addict(I'll call your boss to tell him that you are sick again today.) - Giving the addict a long string of "last chances"- Bailing them out of jail(again) - Loaning them money(again) ATTENTION: Enabling an addict does not make addiction the co-dependents Fault remember: Negative consequences are what helps the addict to achieve recovery! The loving thing to do may be letting them happen. A love-hate relationship is a personal relationship between humans, or figuratively between a human and an inanimate object, like a computer, involving simultaneously or alternatively emotions of love and enmity. This relationship may, or may not be of a romantic nature. The term comes from the way one may love the object/person one moment, and yet the next moment feel great rage or hatred for it. For example a computer may impress a user with amazing video game graphics one moment, yet the next moment it crashes at a key point during the game. It often occurs when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other. An addiction is also a kind of love-hate relationship. |
| The progression of co-dependency |
| Co-dependency and communication |
| Family Roles |
| Characteristics of children of an alcoholic or addict |
| Painful vs. Healthy family systems |

| The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous 1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. 12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The Twelve Steps are re-printed with the permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous Inc. For more information and meeting locations go to; Co-Dependents Anonymous |